he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
