haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
