I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
