im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
