Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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