My liver just broke up with me...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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