2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
