Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
