idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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