Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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