The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
