Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.