my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it hurts more in the daytime
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
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The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
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Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today