she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?