Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across