its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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