we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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