All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
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I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
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You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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