**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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