I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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