Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
