I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
