$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
