The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
