I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
