Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
zippers are such a cool invention
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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