Little spoons don't ask big questions
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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