it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
