I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
