I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
