My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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