You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We are all done wearing pants today
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
