Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
