I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
