Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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