I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
