i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
