got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
