You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
