I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize