Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
