walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...