I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed