she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?