Jerry, you need to find god
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
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You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
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It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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