It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
