I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My ass is underappreciated
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
