I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
