The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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