every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
