i was born a porn star she said
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Your penis caused this!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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