I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
