I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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