i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
