My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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