never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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