I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
