I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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