seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
