apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
