i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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