Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
