Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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