tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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