you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
