Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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