And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
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I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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