i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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