is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
