I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
