Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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